An Introduction to DARe Attachment Coaching

DARe (Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning Experience)  is a relatively new somatic attachment approach created by Diane Poole Heller. The method combines attachment theory with neuroscience and trauma-informed therapy to help clients create healthier relationships. It empowers individuals to enhance crucial proficiencies, fostering robust and secure attachment patterns, which paves the way for thriving adult connections. Through insightful exploration of early childhood experiences and subsequent attachment behaviors, clients are equipped with pragmatic solutions and proven tactics to mend past attachment wounds and steer towards secure attachments in present relationships.

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The DARe Approach

Diane Poole Heller came to trauma work after suffering a terrible car accident and a traumatic brain injury in 1988. After the accident she started to experience trauma symptoms - not only from the accident itself but also from painful experiences from her past. 

On her healing journey she discovered Peter Levine and Somatic Experiencing. Through her own exploration of Somatic Experiencing, she discovered the underlying causes that caused overwhelming emotions associated with traumatic events. Utilizing a combination of strategies, tools and corrective exercises allowed her to regulate her autonomic nervous system response while also allowing completion of protective responses previously left incomplete. As these symptoms decreased in intensity, it enabled reconnection with herself as well as those around her.

After this transformative experience she became a skilled Somatic Experiencing practitioner, dedicating a quarter-century to empowering therapists across the globe. Harnessing trauma and attachment strategies, she crafted the DARe approach, which she continues to impart to professionals and individuals, guiding them towards transformative healing from deep-seated wounds.

DARe uses scientifically based principles to help people repair their damaged attachments and build stronger, healthier relationships. The goal of DARe is to provide clients with the tools they need to create healthy, secure relationships with their partners, family members, friends, and colleagues.

At its core, DARe is focused on helping people understand their attachment patterns and learn how to build healthier bonds with others in their lives. In addition, the program focuses on developing a deeper understanding of how past experiences shape present behavior and helps clients recognize how their own triggers impact their interactions with others. With this knowledge in hand, clients can then take steps towards healing those wounds from the past and creating positive changes in the present.

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Understanding the Four Attachment Styles

In psychological terms, attachment refers to the emotional bond between two people. It is a relationship that can have a lasting impact on one’s mental and emotional wellbeing. DARe works with the four primary attachment styles: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized  attachment style. 

The intricate architecture of our attachment style emerges from the foundations constructed during early childhood, interweaving itself within our neurological networks and shaping the way we connect with others throughout life. Unbeknownst to us, this relational blueprint directs our perceptions, responses, and interactions in all our relationships.

Our adult lives are continually affected by these deeply-rooted attachment adaptations, which give rise to habits, maladaptive behaviors, and miscommunications, as we grapple with the complexities of our evolving emotional needs.

The four attachment styles are secure, avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized  attachment style. Secure attachment is defined by trust in relationships and the ability to form meaningful connections with others. People who have secure attachments tend to be more emotionally balanced and have fewer issues when it comes to resolving conflicts in their relationships. 

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The Avoidant Attachment Style

When caregivers fail to support a child's need for connection, this distress can trickle down and have significant impacts on the brain. Not only will it impede development of social responses necessary for bonding with others, but cause individuals in later life to feel "on their own", leading them towards withdrawing or becoming isolated from relationships altogether. Venturing into the realms of love and intimacy, avoidants, akin to every human, crave for connections. However, a whirlwind of unease sweeps over them while seeking assistance or conveying their emotional requirements in relationships.

The precarious chasm of trust runs deep within those scarred by attachment injuries but healing blooms forth with perennial affirmations of their significance. By evincing steadfastness, dependability, and mindfulness, one can foster an environment of safety and cultivate secure attachment skills.

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The Intricacies of Adult Avoidant Attachment:

• A self-centric focus (hyper-awareness of personal needs)
• A struggle to articulate desires, leading to a preference for self-reliance
• A pattern of finding flaws in romantic connections (a track-record of fleeting, non-committal liaisons)
• A propensity for disregarding emotions, giving rise to enthralling "mixed signals"

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The Ambivalent Attachment Style

Individuals with ambivalent attachment have undergone unpredictable and fluctuating caregiving during their formative years. This uncertain environment leads to an apprehensive nature, always on the lookout for signals that may hint at the consequences of their actions.

Such individuals often neglect their own needs and burden others with excessive demands or anticipations. Despite their profound longing for connection, they also wrestle with the anxiety of potentially losing these connections.

The ambivalent attachment may experience an emotional roller coaster, fluctuating between feeling secure and insecure in their relationships. This can evoke a sense of anxiety, unworthiness, or even the belief that they don't deserve love. To overcome this pattern, it's crucial for them to develop self-awareness, identify their own desires, and enhance their emotional regulation skills. Transforming complaints into constructive expressions of wants and needs is key for healing and fostering healthier relationships.

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The Intricacies of Ambivalent Attachment:

• A tenuous balance between wanting intimate connection and having fear of loss
• Insecurity in relationships, as well as criticism or complaints meant to fill the gap left by absenteeism 
• Seeking stability from outside sources like significant others, while pushing them away with unrealistic expectations that can create further feelings of detachment and anxiety

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The Disorganized Attachment Style

Disorganized attachment is a complex relationship style that may develop as an effect of chaotic or abusive circumstances. It occurs when the individual's need for safety and security is linked to their fear system, causing unpredictable shifts in behavior involving elements from both avoidance-based responses and ambivalent reaction patterns aimed towards self-preservation.

Embarking on the journey of relationships and closeness may appear treacherous for those with disorganized attachment. Nevertheless, advancement remains attainable. Delving into the complexities of disorganized attachment adaptations and the distinct obstacles they present serves as a crucial initial stride. Frequently, progression may necessitate the collaboration with a skilled therapist, proficient in addressing trauma and relational injuries.

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Intricacies of Disorganized Attachment:

• Intimacy is both longed for and feared 
•  Confusion surrounding connection is common 
• Rejection or hurt may unconsciously trigger vigilance to preempt similar situations in the future
• Difficulty self-soothing and co-regulation can arise as adaptive responses to perceived danger 
• Expressing needs is challenging due to unresolved pain from past events 

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Understanding your own attachment style can be an extremely valuable tool for improving your relationships with others. Being aware of how you interact with people and what emotions your interactions evoke can help you gain insight into yourself and become more self-aware overall. Additionally, recognizing other people’s attachment styles can help you better understand their behavior towards you and allow for healthier communication between both parties involved. Ultimately, having knowledge of the four primary attachment styles can enhance your interpersonal skills and allow for more meaningful connections with those around you.

DARe Attachment Coaching is an effective way for people to work on improving their relationships by repairing old wounds from the past while developing healthier habits moving forward. By taking a data-driven approach that blends attachment theory with neuroscience and trauma-informed therapy principles, DARe provides individuals with the tools they need to build strong connections with those around them—while also taking care of themselves along the way! If you are looking for ways to enhance your relationship skills or deepen your understanding of yourself and your attachments, consider giving DARe Attachment Coaching a try!

At Red Beard Somatic Therapy has several experienced practitioners that specialize in DARe and can help you explore its possibilities. We are dedicated to empowering you so that you can live your life to the fullest, have nurturing relationships and achieve your goals.

Start your healing journey today and book your free consultation call now!

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